Cecil G. Smith

Nov.18,1917 to Dec.25, 2009

Beloved,
Some days I love you with passion and recklessness. You walk into a room wearing those dress blues and my heart does a crazy flip flop over you. Our love is like children playing in falling leaves and rolling out-of-control down brown, grassy hills. Laughing and certain, I am all yours without hesitation.

And some days I love you with an amiable thoughtfulness. Peaceful and reserved. We are two lovers walking hand in hand on life's path. Quiet and content, together.

And then there are days like today...
Days when our love is a wound, sharp and burning, then a dull ache and a scar. We have wrestled and fought and injured. We have hurt but then we have mended. We have shaken hands and resolutely called a truce.

So today our love is a peace treaty.

Holding On

Some pictures taken last Summer at Nanny Ruth and Papaw Cecil's place.

Papaw...

I took your hand

this last time

and it seemed soft, frail...

But you held tight.

and I held on

to you.

Remembering a Summer day when

I was ten

(As she is now, my Katie Beth)

And you

You were a giant in the hay field then.

We walked together

My small hand in

your brown, leathery, work-calloused one.

I felt all the world was right

That day.

I smiled up at you and chattered on

a magpie of a girl

Sturdy and tan and sure

of you.

And now

It is another day.

Your hand is weak and pale and cool

Your words are rising up to me as mine

rose up to you that day -father of my mother

Giant of my heart.

Though now you are small and fragile

And you are whispering goodbye.

I am holding on.

The Successful Failed Experiment

I think there will be some moaning and groaning around our house this week as the kiddos return from the grandparents.
They will find a drastic change waiting for them, a challenge of sorts. But I feel sure they can rise to the challenge just as they have in the past.
Something will be missing when they get home.
The cable tv has been disconnected!
Horrors!
Yes, actually the cable guy on the phone could hardly believe we were canceling. He kept saying "What will your kids do all Summer??" (Hhmmm...let's see...how about read, play, create, talk...) I think he actually contemplated called CPS.

This may seem sudden, but actually is all started a few months ago.
You see, at first we thought it strange that Pastor Charles Stanley advises people to start reading the bible in the book of Proverbs(stay with me here). But this year we started reading Proverbs with the kids. Its easy to keep up with because each chapter can coincide with a day of the month. So on the 19th, for example, we can read the 19th chapter...thru the 31st and then start back over on the 1st. If we miss a day then we can make it up next month. There is always something new to learn. The Proverbs really is a book replete with timely wisdom. Think of these simple but true proverbs which we would all do well to heed:
"Don't talk too much, for it fosters sin. Be sensible and turn off the flow!" (10:19)
"It is better to be poor and godly than rich and dishonest." (16:8)
"A dry crust eaten with peace is better than a great feast with strife." (17:1)
"Any story sounds true until someone sets the record straight." (18:17)
"Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor, only fools insist on quarreling." (20:1)
"The Lord is more pleased when we do what is just and right than when we give Him sacrifices." (21:3)
The principle 'Bad company corrupts good character' is a truth found throughough the book of Proverbs.
Romans chapter 12: 2 also reminds us:
"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think..."
I'm just setting the stage here...
Anyway...
About the time we started reading in the book of Proverbs, we also moved to our new duty station. While signing up for internet service we decided to do a six month experiment with cable tv. Since moving back to the US from Zambia three years ago, we have not had cable or satellite tv for more than a handful of months. But we heard about DVR and thought maybe this was something that would help overcome our reticence...after all, we could record the shows we approved for viewing. It would be an ideal way to control the tv watching. And at the same time, we could skip thru the commercials that we find so offensive. Maybe, we thought, with some strict parental control and using these new features we could make cable tv something that could actually enjoy as a family. After all, with DVR we could tape all those great History and National Geo documentaries that could go right along with our homeschool subjects. Not to mention the stuff just for fun ( like watching Paula Deen cook up a batch of Ooey Gooey Butter bars on the FOOD NETWORK!).
The expermient began March 1st...
It ended today, June 21st.
Following are our findings, in a nutshell:

We found that there is nothing on television that is worth...
* The precious family time/interaction that it steals.
* Exposing our children to people that we would not let in the front door of our home!*Exposing our children and ourselves to subtle but powerful anti-God, anti-biblical ideas and biases.
*The $70-$80 per month price tag

And it didn't even take us six months to figure it out.
We tried. We really did. We locked out every show under PG . We carefully monitored the television viewing. We recorded "family friendly" shows.
But we basically found that the draw of the culture was too strong. For instance, even though we allowed our kids to watch two seemingly 'harmless' shows on the Disney channel and one on Nickelodeon, the "addiction" these shows created was ridiculous. In a short time, the same kids who once enjoyed family reading time, games, puzzles and outdoor activities could hardly be persuaded to wrench themselves away from their new "favorite" tv shows. And even though we limited viewing hours, it became the THING to look forward to every day - watching tv.
We tried using it as a homeschool tool. But that failed miserably thanks to the incredibly liberal and anti-Christian bent of the documentaries available. We never did make it thru a complete documentary on the History channel. Other shows that might have been educational (like one chronicalling David Livingstones trek across Africa , which we were particularly interested in) were downright disappointing because they chose to make it a "reality" show, displaying the egos, biases, and inexperiences of the so-called modern"explorers" making the journey.
But really, Mark's comments sum it all up:
"We haven't really found anything good about having television. All it does is open the door to our home to every type of wordly, ungodly influence we try so hard to battle. Our home is a haven for us, for our family. Television is simply the enemy's strategy to infiltrate our home."
Spoken like a true soldier.
And after making that statement, Mark said "Let's get rid of it! Now."
To which I wholeheartedly agreed. (that was yesterday)

So Happy Happy Father's Day! I called and cancelled it today.
You are a GREAT Dad, honey. You make me proud.
I think we can say that our failed experiment was TRULY a Success!!!

Aaaaahhhh.

"It is not by strength that one prevails..."

"It is not by strength that one prevails...", Hannah praised God with those words at Shiloh as she left her only child there -dedicated to the Lord's service. In her song of praise, she reflects on the deliverance and might of God. What do we have that He has not given us? Hannah knew that she was the recipient of God's blessing. When her own frail body refused to produce a child, she asked the Lord and 'the Lord remembered her'. She conceived and gave birth to Samuel.

Hannah reminds us that warriors are strengthened and kings are enthroned only by the might of the Lord. Children are born, fed, and clothed by His mercy. He brings poverty and wealth, humility and exaltation. "For the foundation of the earth is the Lord's; upon them He has set the world."
Truly I cannot prevail against this world in my own strength. None of us can. I am only recently reminded of that. My body does not cooperate with my desires. The things I long to do, I cannot do. I am uncomfortably limited and will be for some time. Endeavoring to slog through, persevere, and just grit my teeth - that good old "can do" spirit, well, it seemed to work for a time (a rather long time), But it was a facade. I am physically broken. It is only God's hand that has held me up (and continues to do so). I long to cook for my family, but I cannot. I long to pick up my son and hold him but I cannot. The very ones who I long to serve and care for are having to serve me. My mother has had to come and care for me like a little child. Friends are making our meals and cleaning the bathrooms. And it will be weeks of recovery.
It is humbling and... sacred.
Humbling, obviously -when you can't even bend over to pull up your own pants! But sacred...because I have this opportunity to receive from others. And I hold it like a precious treasure, this gift of their service and mercy...their patience...their acts of kindness and love.
And I actually have all this time to sit and think about it, to ponder their gift.

But I also have time to watch the news.
Which frightens me if I keep it on too long, because it all seems a bit overwhelming. It sure makes my crisis seem insignificant, what with world powers in conflict and all...
And then Mark will come home from work and shake my reality with news about a Memorial service he attended for 13 Marines killed in Afghanistan....and how his heart ached for the families, for the children, those sons and daughters whose Daddies will never come home. He will turn his face away when he is telling me this, because he doesn't want me to see that he is crying and that his day has been heavy with sorrow.
Again I am reminded that it is not by strength that one prevails. Yes, Hannah, you were right. Our own bodies are frail. Our world is bent on destruction. Our warriors fall in battle.
The only hope that we have is this: that the same God who holds the foundation of the world in His hand, is not haphazard. He is not random. He is all-knowing, all-powerful, and ever-present. He does not change. Hannah's God is still the same.


"He will guard the feet of His saints"















'

In his Experiencing God devotional book Henry Blackaby writes pointedly:

"There are times when Jesus will ask you to join Him as He is at work in the life of your friend, family, or coworker. If you are preoccupied with your own needs, you will miss the blessing of sharing in His divine activity. God is gracious. He forgives, and He provides other opportunities. He will even use our failings to bring about good, but it is critical that we respond in obedience to every prompting from God. God does not need our obedience; He has legions of angels prepared to do His bidding when we fail Him. The loss is ours as we miss what God wants to do in our lives."
At this moment, I am sitting at the computer early in the morning ("o'dark hundred") having just rolled out of bed and stumbled downstairs a few minutes ago. Outside, about 100 yards in front of my house, a company of Marines is making a heap of noise. They are outfitted in full gear and the Gunny is screaming every obscenity he can conjure. These guys are running some kind of tortuous drills. But, boy, are they motivated. Lots of "ooh-rahs" and cheering fill the air. The sun is just comng up.
Farther away, an artillery battery has started firing the big guns. A dull thud and "Boom" reverberates through the house every 20 minutes or so.
The birds are still singing. Like us, they are used to the noise. Living on base, I daily see countless young Marines going about the business of soldiering. They are being conformed to one another, conformed to being a Marine. It is serious stuff.
I don't mind these drills out in front of my house. I am sorry that my kids might wake up and hear an obscenity. But I know that those guys are training for battle one day. And I am reminded that many (most?) of them do not know Christ. They are well-prepared to win a physical battle, but spiritually they are helpless without Him. This is my prayer-field.
I wish I could say that I take every opportunity God offers to me. But I don't.
Like Blackaby says, I get caught up in my own needs.
But sometimes I will pass a young man in uniform (and amazingly they seem to get younger and younger!) and I will be struck with the possibility that he may be deployed tomorrow. He may be in combat next week. He may be in a car accident overnight. Those thoughts motivate me to pray for him, to pray that the Lord will put a Godly friend or Chaplain in his path, that his heart will be softened to the truth and he will come to know Christ as his Saviour, his Friend, his Front and Rear Guard...
And then there are the families...
I don't want to miss what God is doing around me. I am praying about this neighborhood He put us in. It is really beautiful. Technically, it is a miracle that we got this house. But He is completely in control. So Mark and I are anticipating what He is already doing here. We want to join Him. So I am praying. And I am making friends. And I am looking to see where God is at work.
Oh, I wonder how often the angels have had to pick up my unfinished tasks. Or when they have gotten the privilege of doing His bidding when I failed...I look back and I know that I have often been too preoccupied with my self and my family to share in His activity. But I just have to wrap myself in His grace, take another breath, look out my window...and try again.
Thank You, Lord.

Moving Tips I WILL Remember Next Time!

Next time we move (which I hope is not for a few years! Did you hear that, Mr. Navy Detailer?!), I need to remember a few things. So for posterity (and sanity's) sake I am going to record them here:

1. WATCH Mr. Packer and MAKE SURE he labels each box in detail. Do not be deterred when he tries to get rid of you by insisting that he has worked for the packing company for 110 years, is a veteran of two wars and promises with his hand over his heart that he will label your boxes correctly. DO NOT BELIEVE HIM!!! No matter how much he looks like your husband's Uncle Bill or whatever. If you believe him then you deserve to find your cookware in the box marked "HOMESCHOOLING SUPPLIES".
2. Hold on to your pots, pans and utensils until the end and pack them in the last box yourself. Then label it clearly "LAST BOX ON<>
3. Put the kids' bike helmets in the FIRST BOX OFF, because they WILL get bored and want to go explore their new neighborhood as soon as Mr. Unpacker gets their bikes put together again.
4. Don't let the unloaders stack boxes 10-high in a dark corner of the garage where you can't read them and you have to unstack the whole thing to get to the one with the bike helmets:<
5. Insist that the unloaders also stay and unpack EVERYTHING and carry off every box and piece of wrapping paper with them when they go. Yes, I know they will look surprised, they will go super slow hoping you will get fed up and tell them to go home, they may even tell you a sad story about missing their 3 year olds birthday party. Dont buy it. The military pays them good money to stay and unpack every single box and even put it where you tell them to. Don't get short changed, even if you dont have a place to put all of it right away. Just stack it against the wall. At least it will be out of the confounded box and the box (and all the paper) will be their job to get rid of! I repeat "DON'T GET LEFT WITH ALL THE BOXES AND PAPER!"
6. Don't take lip from the truckdriver/unloaders about how they cant carry stuff to the attic or they can't put the dishes up in the cabinet, they just have to leave them on the counter. This is a clever ploy to make you so disgusted that you will send them all away. Instead, just smile and call the number for the military Liason who has been assigned to your move. Let them handle it. Soon, your stuff will be in the attic and your dishes will be in the cabinets:>
7. Don't feed the movers (on either side) PIZZA. Be creative. Everyone gives them pizza.
8. Give them a big tip - both packers and unpackers. If they do the job they are supposed to do, these guys work HARD. They deserve it.
9. Be prepared to spend a LOT if not ALL of your dislocation allowance (and most of what you thought you "saved" by eating bologna sandwiches and staying in cheap motels on that cross country drive).
10. Moving is expensive. Actually, its the getting settled that costs so much. A new house always means new spaces to fill and new storage needs to accomodate. It also means new curtains when your new house has 20 windows and your old house only had 10.
11. I don't know why, but moving always means a new bookshelf or two.
12. It also means eating out longer than you thought because: Mom did not follow advice #1.) or #2.) on this list. She failed to insist that her cookware be packed in the FIRST OFF box because she THOUGHT that the packer was correctly labeling each and every box. Sigh...So by the time she rifled through twenty two boxes labeled only "K-ware" (the pots and pans were, of course in box #22 with the beach towels), well, Mom was too darned tired to cook anything! So be prepared to eat out a few extra times.
13. I can't think of another one. But I'm sure I will in about 30 months...Thank you Uncle Sam.