Rancho Oso here we come!

This is a quick picture made on the first day of our stay at Rancho Oso. The buildings behind the kids are western style cabins -pretty simpl:, a full bed, bunk beds, a small fridge, table, chair, and a fan. The ranch lies in the San Ynez river valley in the heart of the Los Padres National Forest in a place called Paradise. And it is aptly named. This is an amazingly beautiful place. There is very little rainfall and the "river" is really more of a dried up, rocky riverbed. But the mountains rise up from the valley like sentennels, straight and imposing...majestic. Despite the lack of moisture, there are many trees and,according to the local people, plenty of bobcat and mountain lion in the forests. The horses grazing in the Rancho Oso pastures make a vivid picture against this backdrop. I long to just sit back under a tree and enjoy the view.
But the kids have other plans (of course!). the first thing they want to do is try out the swimming pool. Later we explore the ranch. That night we drive out to the Paradise Store(a local hangout) for some BBQ. But when we get there, Marks goes inside and discovers that the Hells Angels are kicking back for some fun. We decide it may not be family friendly, so we go back to the Ranch and heat up the brai for dinner. Later that night after a hot game of UNO, with the kiddos all tucked into bed, Mark and I sat outside under the stars sipping our hot chocolate (oh, for some MILO!). Our conversation soon turns to Zambia...wishing Daren and Shawna, Micah, Meredith and Peyton were here to share this night with us...look at the sky, black and brilliant...if we are very still we can almost imagine it is Africa...ok, we make ourselves stop imagining and go to bed.
The next couple of days are a fun, exhausting mix of breathtaking horseback rides (the scenery!), hikes (the kids were disappointed that the waterfall they hiked to see was so small -we forgot that their idea of a waterfall is VICTORIA FALLS!), more swimming, and yes, finally a chance to sit back and enjoy the scenery while the kids climb the trees and play in the covered wagons. Our neighbors in the cabin next door are complaining about the flies! We dont mind. And I've decided I really like this type of "camping" - refrigerators, electricity, BEDS -even a nice restroom/shower a few yards away. Wow! Beats a tent...Our last night includes a marshmallow roast and a JIM THE GIANT story (thanks to Dad) by the fire.
Then the kids are in bed and we are alone, but this time Mark and I spend time reflecting on where we are and where we are going, our hopes and dreams for now and the future. We are thankful for this time together, having so recently been apart...it makes it sweeter to us, I think. I have noticed how Mark spends every minute with the kids as if its his last one. He leaves nothing undone, nothing unsaid...We have eight more precious months. But the time has wings and will be gone before we know it. So we just embrace this opportunity. Like Mark says, every day we are making memories to sustain us when we have to be apart again.

The next day, we are all a little sad to leave. We get a reprieve from our disappointment however, in a frantic search for Mark's wallet. Which, of course, happens to be in the dirty clothes in the very back of the car carrier on top of the van (which is already packed and locked). After we locate the wallet and find that we have missed out on the fresh baked cinnamon rolls at the chuck wagon, we head out the gate - only to discover that we forgot to turn in the cabin key! So we drive back to the cabin and I run in to get the key. Lo and Behold what do I see hanging on a nail but Marks' key ring with all of his work keys on it! I hand them over with a grin. He is mortified. And we go turn in our cabin key.
Then, finally, back down the mountains we head, along the coast, and then - HOME SWEET HOME!

...that I may know Him

This morning I was listening to my favorite bible teacher on the internet (aaah the wonders of broadband!) and followed her lead to look up Philippians 3:10 in the amplified version. It begins like this...
"For my determined purpose is that I may know Him, that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly...".
And then the teacher said this: "We can live with all manner of tribulation, pain, and suffering. But we cannot live without purpose...We were created by God to be a people of purpose...without it we suffer from discontent." She went on to add: "When we become totally focused on the one thing of knowing Christ - in whatever we go through and whatever we do -then our purpose in life becomes effective."
This truth was really driven home to me recently.
Two of the young women I disciple met with me a couple of weeks ago to complete the last chapter of our study through Pastor Rick Warren's book "The Purpose Driven Life". As we closed the book, one of the gals commented on how her life had changed since she came to know Christ. She went on to say that she is now getting an understanding that God has a special plan for her. And then she asked this question "What made you do it...send out that email to all the officer's wives inviting us to bible study? Were you disappointed when only two of us showed up that first night?". I smiled at that because it NEVER crossed my mind to be disappointed in the turnout..."Well," I began "it all started in Zambia...." then I went on to explain how God began to call Mark and me away from our work in Zambia to come back into the military. And how,at first, I did NOT want to do it. But God is very persuasive. And after a while I relented because I knew He was in it. And so then I began to pray very earnestly that since He was SET on MArk being a Chaplain, then there must be some wives I could minister to. So before we even left Zambia I began to pray for them. And I clearly recalled my friend Dorothy praying with me also. She prayed specifically for the women He might allow me to share the Gospel with and disciple. So then after we got here I just kept on praying. But I knew I needed to wait for His timing. After our husbands all left on deployment my sister was here visiting, and she began to pray with me. And we were specifically praying for these two ladies -Melissa and Stefani. One day another wife casually asked me if I'd thought of teaching a bible study. This was my cue. So I sent an invitation to all the wives in our wardroom (about 10 people I think). And on the first night two of them came -Stefani and Melissa. So was I disappointed? No way! I was thrilled. And I was even more excited when they gave their hearts to Christ that very same night.
I went on to answer Melissa's question by explaining that God's purpose for me, no matter where I am, is to tell others about Christ and teach them to follow Him. Even as the words were coming out of my mouth, I felt encouraged by them...it was true, and it was a powerful truth! How often I am guilty of forgetting! In the midst of dirty dishes, piles of laundry, math work to grade...I forget...I lose sight of my purpose...I feel alone, unimportant, discouraged...
And then He prompts a simple question to remind me.
Hearing myself speak about God's purpose was like kindling the fire inside of me. And it did something for them too. Their eyes lit up. They began to talk excitely about sharing their faith with others...where would our next duty stations take us?...one of us could be in Hawaii sharing Christ, another in Italy, another in Newport Beach...we tell others and teach them and then they tell others and on and on....
I think I will always remember that moment, sitting at the base restaurant in a back booth sipping our coffee and feeling the joy together of knowing Christ...my determined purpose...
Thank You, Lord, for reminding me.

He's Back!

Mark's plane flew in from Japan two weeks ago, and I guess everyone who knew me could tell that he was home. A friend saw me at church and said "Your husband must be home!". I asked how she knew and she said she could just tell by my face. I knew what she meant. I remember last year when we first got to this duty station and I met a wife whose husband was deployed. I could tell by her face. It wasn't that she was depressed...it was just that her countenance was a little downcast. And when her hubby returned, her eyes just lit up. I felt the same way. These last six months, I used to look in the mirror and feel a little sorry for that sad face that kept staring back at me.
Of course its generally true that absense DOES tend to make the heart grow fonder...but there is also that inevitable re-adjustment when the absense is over. We are definitely doing our share of re-adjusting. It started on day ONE when the Chaplain broke his own rule (the one he drilled into the minds of his troops during countless de-briefings before they came home), namely, DONT COME HOME AND TRY TO TAKE OVER! He urged them to gently ease themselves back into the family scene. He broke this one when he walked in the door and within two minutes he looked around and said "Don't worry honey, I know you couldn't do much with the four kids to take care of. I'll get right on it and have this house in top shape in no time!"
I almost shipped him back to Japan.
But after a profuse apology and repeated assurances that the house actually looked JUST FINE, we started over again, and I decided to keep him.:>

American Armed Forces Kids Run!

The day dawned dreary and gray. There was an ocean mist hanging in the air. But it did not dampen the kids spirits one bit. They popped out of bed this morning ready to hit the track. It was the day they've been waiting for : the Armed Forces Kids Run!
We got there early (anxious with anticipation) to register each one in their age group. Ben to run the 1/2 mile, katie the mile and Grace the whopping two mile race. No group for twos so Isaac was sidelined with Mom and Digger to do the cheering. (Digger is our dog -he came along as team mascot). Each age group was staggered on the track and then the whistle blew!
Benjamin never stopped. He was a bit surprised after the first lap to find that he still had another one to go, but he just ducked his head and kept going. He finished second to Suzie Speedy in his age group. Yay Ben!
Katie put her new sneakers to the test and burned up the track from the start. But even better than speed was her dogged determination not to quit (greatly admired by Digger and myself). She came in third in her age group. Way to go, Katie!
Finally, Grace set sail. She whizzed thru the first two laps then settled into a nice jog. Though tempted to stop a few times, she never did. Just walked a bit and then kept jogging. She even had enough steam left to finish strong. The competitive edge not as ingrained in her as in her namesake, Stephanie Grace refused to out-run the little girl struggling beside her at the end, but waited patiently for her friend to catch up so they could run across the finish line together!
I thought my heart would burst with pride! Yes, they ran strong, and I was proud of that...my little budding track team...But I was even more proud of their perseverance and determination. And finally, I was humbled by their good-sportsmanship and great attitudes. No one was disappointed not to get an award. They happily left the races to go cheer eachother on the obstacle course and hop in the sack race. Isaac even found his niche crawling under obstacles and joining in the tug of war!
It was such a fun day! My only sadness was that Mark could not be here to share it with us. He would have cheered the loudest of any Dad. But they have made us proud today...and thankful.

Happy Mothers Day to Me!!

I have been dreading Mothers Day. I admit it. I have pouted all week. I even went out and bought myself a too-expensive rose bush as a present because I knew that (poor me) the kids wouldn't be able to get me anything.
Yesterday I got a card from Mark in Japan. In it he wrote: "Stacey, you are a mother of mothers. Happy Mothers Day!". This from a man who is writing two novels simultaneously and has never been known to be at a loss for words! This morning when he called, I could not help but giggle about the card. He sheepishly explained that he was in a hurry to get it in the mail.
At church this morning, out Pastor's sermon was about being "underappreciated" (1 Sam.23). In it, he relayed David's experience of being unappreciated by those people he helped and those in whose land he was trying to find refuge as King Saul sought to kill him. The pastor explained that, just in time,God sent an encourager to remind David of God's faithfulness. Jonathan, David's best friend, came to cheer him on. As I listend to the sermon it did not take too long for the Lord to convict me of my self-centeredness this week. Good grief! There are plenty of people who are in need of a little encouragement! And I have been so busy throwing a pity party that I've forgotten...
Forgotten that cheering someone else on would make my own race a little easier to run....
This afternnoon I had a chance to do some cheering. And it felt great!
I heated up the grill for hotdogs and hamburgers and the other "single moms" in the wardroom came over with their children and a dish to share. Before we knew it, we had a table covered with food. And it wasnt long before everyone forgot (at least for a while) the heavy loads we bear.
The three gals from my bible study were here. One of them mentioned how our weekly times together had really helped her get through this deployment. We all nodded in agreement. Its true. And those bible study nights have spilled over into coffee dates and family movie nights and, like today, holiday celebrations. I praise God for that! Just when we most needed it, God has brought us as encouragers to one another.
I'm sorry that I wasted time this week in self-pity. All along, God knew what a perfect Mothers Day He had planned for me!

Isaac

Ben and PoPop

Katie

Dear Papaw...

Dear Papaw,
I love this picture of you. I took it this past Christmas, remember? You were laughing at the great-grandkids playing on the floor at your feet. I think they were playing their pretend "aminals"game (as Ben calls it). And you were chuckling and sneaking them dollar bills when they came over for hugs. After dinner you even treated them to a short chorus of "Old Dan Tucker". It was such a hit that we're still singing that around my house these days! Makes me remember when I was one of those little kids playing at your feet...
Oh how Kim and Stephi and I loved to come "over to the country" to be with you and Nannie! We would beg Mom to bring us. I loved curling up in bed with those old goose down pillows, listening to the fire crack and pop in the dark, and drifting off to sleep as Nannie sat up and read her "papers" or a good book. In the night, I would hear you getting up to stoke the fire with more wood. Then in the morning we always woke to the smell of sausage, eggs, biscuits and gravy. And on Saturday mornings we got the treat of watching Luney Toons. My kids love that show, Papaw. And that dumb coyote still hasnt caught the Roadrunner...
Days spent with you and Nannie were a kids dream...always a new adventure or some exciting plan, and you were never too tired or busy to accomodate us. You let us jump right in, whether it was tying tobacco, bailing hay, planting a garden or feeding the cows. And when you noticed one of us had a special interest, there was no stopping you from encouraging it. Whether it was Kim with a motorcylce, Stephi with a fishing pole or me with a horse...you had us all believing we were the best and that we could do anything we put our minds to. It never phased you one bit to be surrounded by a bunch of little girls. And I was never so happy as when I could solicite your praise -which probably wasnt too tough because you and Nannie are quite liberal with it in regards to your grandkids! But your praise and high remarks simply set a standard that we all hoped to live up to. We wanted to be in truth those kids you said we were - good girls who helped their Momma, ate everything on their plate, tough as nails, smart as whips...And you always managed to make every single one of your grandchildren feel that way. You spent time with us. You believed in us.
Even when our world rocked and shook, when things looked uncertain from other angles, you and Nannie were there. Your home was always our home. You held things steady for us.
When I was in college, I wrote that poem about you. One of the lines said "Leathery hands, holding time still, So that I...can keep up with the changes". Well, Papaw, there have been a million changes in my life since then. Lots of twists and turns in the road. I still think of your strong hands...work calloused and brown from the sun...holding onto the back of a little girls old purple bike. I hear your voice behind me saying "Don't worry. I'm right here." as you ran to keep up. Then suddenly I was riding all by myself. But you were behind me cheering me on "Keep peddling! Don't look back..."
I love you Papaw. Thank you.

Semper Fi, sis!

God never stops amazing me. He never stops awing me with His extraordinary love. I cannot remember a time in my years as a Believer when I have needed a gift of encouragement that He has not delivered...and often in the most impressive and unexplainable ways.
Stephi (my twin sister -thats her in the pink, me in blue) and her two children just left after a two month visit. Now most people would roll over and die if a relative came and stayed for two months. But Stephi is more than a relative and her children are more to me than someone else's kids. In Zambian culture, they would be considered my own children -ever as much as their birth mother's. And truly, they are the son and daughter of my heart if not my body. And Stephi, well...my kindred spirit, my greatest encourager...and being a fellow Believer makes our relationship all the more close and precious.
Thats why I was so happy when she came out to stay. It was another one of those big gifts from God, when I most needed it. In the middle of Mark's deployment, it was as if the Lord said "Here, let me ease the burden a while. Let me lift your spirits and send someone to share the load." And He did. Within a few days, we were working together like a well oiled machine. Two Moms...our kids couldn't get away with anything! And what was better -we did everything alike. So there were no squabbles about child-rearing, household rules, even what meals to cook or how to sort the laundry. And both being female, we were able to use most of our 25,000 words a day on eachother! (ok, studies show that women need to use up that many words a day to satisfy their craving for communication -my husband can vouch that its true!)
Homeschooling was enriched as we took all six kids on field trips - things I wouldn't have done alone. And Stephanie being Stephanie she was out and about making friends as soon as she set foot on the base. Of course she left a lot of people pretty confused...they probably think I have a split personality now.
The most precious thing...our prayer times together...and times when we would just sit in the stillness of the morning, before the kids were awake, and read our bibles quietly together. Until one of us had to speak (those 25,000 words a day, you know!) and we could share from the heart what God was teaching us and what He was doing in our lives.
Having Stephi here made the last two months more than bearable, they were good. So when we got the news that her husband (also Mark -I know I know!) got orders to go with a Marine Corp unit in Japan (he's also a military Chaplain now, just finishing his training)...well, it was bittersweet for me. Somehow I harbored a hope that they would get somewhere close to us here on the west coast -maybe Pendelton or San Diego. But it was not the best. Japan is the best. I know that because I know that my God is good. So I will not question it. I know that God has a gift in it for Stephi.
So she and the kids left yesterday. Gone to pack their household goods, wait for Mark to finish training, and fly to Japan. Now I could cry about this ,and I am a little (a lot)sad, and bemoan the reality that I won't see her again for a long time. Or I can embrace the truth that God has given me a gift when I most needed it...because He loves me.
And who knows, maybe one day the guys will be on the same deployment cycle and we'll do it again...

"You thrill me, Lord, with all You have done for me! I sing for joy because of what you have done." Psalm 92:4

Surrender

Spiritually, I feel like Jacob must have felt when he wrestled with God. I'm beat.

These last few months have been a mental and emotional wrestling match between me and the Lord. And guess who won?
I have strained my heart and mind looking back, unable to move past the grief of leaving Zambia. Last week after a phone call with a dear friend there, I found myself weeping bitterly and scribbling the incriminating but heartfelt "Why!!!? Lord!" in my journal. With all of my aching soul I wanted to be back there. Not to the no-water, no-electricity moments, necessarily, but to the Zambian people and my missionary family who I love and miss so dearly. And also...I wanted to be back there with Mark. Where our days (and nights) and our work were spent together, hand in hand. My longing for Africa and my longing for him had become entwined.
Somehow I felt that our work as missionaries was...well, a fine thing. Something honorable and beautiful in the daily self-sacrifice of it. And I couldn't convey that to what I am living now. I just felt alone and homesick.
Then one day I looked beside me in church and felt a little tingle because there sat two of the officers' wives who I had invited to come. And they kept coming. And they liked it!
And not long after that one of them actually turned to me after the service and said something like "Hey, Stacey, would you want to lead a bible study for us at your house?". Gee, let me think about it...
The next week I sat in my living room and shared my story of becoming a Christian with two of the wives. They decided to follow Him. Now there are four of us and we meet every week for two hours. We are studying Rick Warren's book The Purpose Driven Life and for the first time they are considering what it means to let God have control. And though I have been a Believer now for about 15 years, I am learning again what SURRENDER really means.
This morning as I read Chapter 10 in preparation for Thursdays study, I was struck with Jesus's words in Luke 9:23:
"If people want to follow me, they must give up the things they want. they must be willing to give up their lives daily to follow me."
I knew what I needed to surrender. The Lord reminded me so sweetly of all He was doing around me. I thought of the three women He had given me to disciple. Each of them so hungry for His word, so eager to learn more...How often in Zambia had I prayed for an opportunity like that (and in my own language no less!)...I remembered that incriminating "Why!!?Lord!" in my journal...Oh how gentle but firm His hand!
So after praying it through I wrote in the margins "I lay down my desire to be back in Zambia, my longing for Mark to be here with me, and all my feelings of inadequacy. From this day forward, I am a slave to Jesus Christ." Then signed it.

I know this laying down our lives is a daily thing.
I will keep having to go back to it and reminding myself. But by His grace and might I will resist picking those things back up.
That doesn't mean I won't still be homesick for Zambia, or that I won't miss Mark and look hopefully for his return.
It means simply that I have surrendered. And it is a sweet relief.

Homeschool Field Trip

Yesterday we packed a picnic lunch and joined some friends for a homeschool field trip to the Santa Barbara Zoo. It is a smaller zoo but there was plenty to keep the kids interested. Katie kept us all informed with a litany of facts memorized from the Animal Planet!
After the first hour, we were ready for a break. The picnic/park area was inviting. We found a shade tree with some tables underneath for our little feast. Then we wrapped up the afternoon by visiting the rest of the animals and the gift shop. You can see our picture to the left -all tuckered out but well-satisfied with out field trip!

In Loving Memory of Grandpa Sutherland

The picture of the guy in the Santa hat is my Dad, (otherwise known as "PopPop" to the grandkids),Mark Wilson Sutherland. Third, last and youngest son of Woodrow and Emma Sutherland.
And to three grown daughters, he is THE best Dad in the world. He is the sure thing, the go-to-guy. He is our rock, our hero, our Dad in every true meaning of the word.
But today, for a moment in time, everything solid and sure and certain for Dad came to a grinding, hurting, shuddering, stop when HIS Dad -Woodrow Wilson Sutherland-quietly and peacefully stepped out of this world and into heaven. He was ninety this year. He lived a long and good life. And in all of Dad's 50-odd years, Grandpa was constantly teaching by word and deed how to be a father, how to cherish and love your children. Dad learned that family is THE most important investment we have in this life. He learned to hug and kiss and never say "goodbye" without saying "I love you" first. He learned to be a man of his word and a keeper of his promises. He learned to work hard and faithfully. And to play often. Because teasing and playing and laughing are really loving.
Grandpa was proud of Dad -equally proud of each of his three children, and yet he made each one feel special and extraordinary. And Grandpa loved Grandma....ever as much as she adored him even as she she let him go ahead of her to heaven. They were best friends. I knew that from the beginning. They shared the same love of the outdoors, the same love of family. The same love of eachother. Seventy years together is a long time. But what makes it truly beautiful is that they only grew closer as they grew older. And despite the pain and discomfort in the end, Grandpa remained kind and gentle. And Grandma made her every act of service for him an act of love and adoration.
As Grandpa died, my sister heard my dad stand tearfully over him and say "Oh, if I could only be half the father he was..."

Well Daddy, I want you to know that you learned well from the best teacher. There are not words to say the sorrow I feel that I cannot be with you today. I want to hug you in one of our family bearhugs -the kind you used to give Grandpa years ago when he was well. I want to hug you and tell you that I love you. But most of all, I want to thank you Dad. Thank you for treasuring those lessons in your heart and living them out in your life.
You made him proud, Dad.