One of the beautiful traditions of the Navy is the sounding of "Colors" when the flag is being hoisted in the morning and again at sunset when it is being lowered. As dictated by tradition (and respect), individuals must stand at attention or, if they are driving a vehicle on base, they must pull to the side and stop until the anthem is finished.
A few days ago, I drove onto base just as Colors began to sound. I pulled quickly to the side and stopped to listen. And watch. All around, cars that had been humming along busily to work were silenced. Men and women in uniform were still,standing tall and proud. Everything was quiet except for the beautiful sound of "Colors"...
I felt an overwhelming sense of pride...and sadness. I love my country. I love the brave soldiers who serve her now and have served before. I wish that "Colors" could be sounded everywhere in this country, not just on the military installations. I wish that every American would stand still, by choice, when the flag was raised and lowered. And that they would listen with respect, thinking for a moment each day of those who are fighting and have fought in the past.
And as I pondered this while the last haunting sounds of "Colors" faded away, I thought of Psalm 46:10 where we are commanded to "Be still and know that I am God."
What if we were all forced to "Be still and know"? To know GOD! What an incredible feeling that would be. It makes me wish that God would hoist up a flag and play His own version of Holy Colors to call us all to attention! And one day He's going to do just that. But instead of standing, we will all be flat on our faces in awe and reverence.
In the meantime, now whenever I hear "Colors", I stand still and think of Jesus who is Lord of Lord and King of Kings. I say a prayer of thanks for my country and for our servicemen and women. And then I just enjoy the moment.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
We're not in Kansas, Toto...
I once read that finding out your child has a serious disability is like planning for a great vacation to Italy, reading all the tour guides, buying the tickets...then landing in Holland. Holland is nice. But all your friends are going to Italy. You always wanted to go to Italy. But now you are in Holland. And there are no flights to Italy.
So what do you do?
You buy a tour guide to Holland and start enjoying the tulips and the windmills. No, its not as flashy as Italy. But Holland is it's own special place.
I found real comfort in this analogy when we found out that our second daughter has serious learning disabilities. I kept reminding myself that Holland is GOOD. Holland is special -and so is Katie. Katie is going to be ok.
Then recently, I noticed the tell-tale signs of a dorsal fin in our peaceful little stream.
Another writer says that for parents who have dealt with it before,seeing the first familiar signs of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) again is like sighting a shark. You see the telltale fin cutting thru the surface and you panic.
Thats how I felt recently when I heard bathroom water running 20 times a day and noticed our son Benjamin's red, chapped hands. His older sister (our firstborn) was diagnosed with OCD two years ago. It was a nightmare ...starting with the handwashing. As days have gone by, Mark and I have tried (with little success) to use similar cognitive therapy tricks on Benjamin that helped Grace. But as any parent who has experienced OCD, I know this will get worse before it gets better. Every day is a new compulsion. The "obsession" is that his hands feel "sticky". Only washing makes them clean. Thats the "compulsion" (for you amateurs). Often,he even wants to wash his feet ("to make sure"). This week, we even notice he is holding his hands out, afraid to touch doorknobs...or even hold his Mommy's hand.
Thats when I get angry. And sad. But mostly mad. Because I hate this thing. It has a life of its own. I know its just a "brain glitch". But you can't reason with it. You can't cajole it. You can't love it away. And when your son won't even hold your hand, you can't even cuddle it away. I hate OCD.
And even though Grace is so much better, I hate that it is still part of her life. She is great about asking for help to "talk back" to it, to resist the compulsions. And now she is even trying to help Benjamin. I heard her tell him at breakfast yesterday "Don't let it bully you, Ben! Its not real -your hands aren't sticky. Its just that bad feeling in your brain trying to trick you!".
With Katie's disability, I could believe about Holland.
With OCD, its like planning a trip to Italy and winding up in Calcutta. There are no tulips and windmills in Calcutta.
So what do you do?
You buy a tour guide to Holland and start enjoying the tulips and the windmills. No, its not as flashy as Italy. But Holland is it's own special place.
I found real comfort in this analogy when we found out that our second daughter has serious learning disabilities. I kept reminding myself that Holland is GOOD. Holland is special -and so is Katie. Katie is going to be ok.
Then recently, I noticed the tell-tale signs of a dorsal fin in our peaceful little stream.
Another writer says that for parents who have dealt with it before,seeing the first familiar signs of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) again is like sighting a shark. You see the telltale fin cutting thru the surface and you panic.
Thats how I felt recently when I heard bathroom water running 20 times a day and noticed our son Benjamin's red, chapped hands. His older sister (our firstborn) was diagnosed with OCD two years ago. It was a nightmare ...starting with the handwashing. As days have gone by, Mark and I have tried (with little success) to use similar cognitive therapy tricks on Benjamin that helped Grace. But as any parent who has experienced OCD, I know this will get worse before it gets better. Every day is a new compulsion. The "obsession" is that his hands feel "sticky". Only washing makes them clean. Thats the "compulsion" (for you amateurs). Often,he even wants to wash his feet ("to make sure"). This week, we even notice he is holding his hands out, afraid to touch doorknobs...or even hold his Mommy's hand.
Thats when I get angry. And sad. But mostly mad. Because I hate this thing. It has a life of its own. I know its just a "brain glitch". But you can't reason with it. You can't cajole it. You can't love it away. And when your son won't even hold your hand, you can't even cuddle it away. I hate OCD.
And even though Grace is so much better, I hate that it is still part of her life. She is great about asking for help to "talk back" to it, to resist the compulsions. And now she is even trying to help Benjamin. I heard her tell him at breakfast yesterday "Don't let it bully you, Ben! Its not real -your hands aren't sticky. Its just that bad feeling in your brain trying to trick you!".
With Katie's disability, I could believe about Holland.
With OCD, its like planning a trip to Italy and winding up in Calcutta. There are no tulips and windmills in Calcutta.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Kindness Is The Rule
Recently it came to my attention (with a little help from my husband!), that my tone was hurtful. He reminded me that even though my words were not harsh, my tone was. And we both sensed our children emulating what they heard from me...ouch!
So, I spent a day listening to myself. He was right. I didn't have to use ugly words. Just the edge in my voice, the certain emphasis on a word, and of course the volume...each of those things could express what I was really feeling. The meaning BEHIND the tone could cause someone to feel stupid, undesirable, clumsy, and worse -unloved. For the first time, I realized what I was saying to my husband and children without words. Soon after that, another episode caused me even greater sorrow.
Mark, the kids and I were in the car driving somewhere. I can't even remember what we disagreed about, but soon I found myself arguing vehemently with my husband! I just couldn't make myself SHUT UP, even though I KNEW that I had said enough (actually more than enough). Mark remained calm and collected, but firm, as I ranted on. Suddenly from the back seat little voices piped up (Katie then Ben) "Cover in Kindness, Mommy! Cover in Kindness!" they pleaded...that had become our family "motto" the week before, when I had noticed the kids doing a lot of bickering among themselves. But now THEY were reminding ME! Suddenly, nothing was worth arguing about. I was slain.
I have grieved over my tongue before. As James says "it is a flame of fire....an uncontrollable evil full of deadly poison (3:6-8). That was not the first time my lack of tongue-control has brought me to tears. But this time, I got serious.
Later alone, I called out to God and told Him how sorry I was and how sick and tired I am of defeat. I'm tired of falling into the same habits of speech...After all, the Bible says that "those who control their tongues can also control themselves in every other way." (James 3:2). I sensed that controlling my tongue was the beginning of spiritual growth in my life in other areas as well. I asked the Lord to give me victory and I went ahead and thanked Him for it. Then I determined in my heart NOT to accept defeat. I began to be purposeful about change. I wrote Proverbs 15:1 on a large white cardboard sign and put it in the kitchen where I would plainly see it all day long. It says :"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger." I wrote in large clear letters and decorated my sign with flowers and palm trees, a sunshine and ocean waves. The kids loved it, and together we read it, and I explained to them what it meant. For the first few days, I still struggled to speak patiently and kindly to my children. I still found myself using a critical tone with Mark. But I WAS seeing some improvement...so I kept praying and asking God for victory. Believe it or not, I could not remember a time when I finished a day victorious in the area of tongue-control!
Several days later, I was halfway thru the day when I realized that victory was almost mine! I noticed that my kids were speaking nicely to one another too. And they responded better to my kind words and pleasant voice, even when it was firmly inflicting discipline!
I was noticing a change in my attitude towards Mark as well. Was he getting smarter? More capable? more of a leader in our home? Or maybe it was just that I was choosing to recognize these things about him and purposefully praise and affirm him. He was glowing!
By the end of that day, I was ready to jump up and down. I lay down in bed that night with a truly satisfied feeling that I had loved my family in actions AND words AND tone. Victory was mine! Thank you Jesus!
Not every day is as wonderful. But I can feel a huge change and I know my family can sense it too.
Yesterday, I made a new sign: Proverbs 31:26 "When she speaks, her words are wise and kindness is the rule when she gives instructions."NLT. Please pray that this will always be true of me -and you, too!
So, I spent a day listening to myself. He was right. I didn't have to use ugly words. Just the edge in my voice, the certain emphasis on a word, and of course the volume...each of those things could express what I was really feeling. The meaning BEHIND the tone could cause someone to feel stupid, undesirable, clumsy, and worse -unloved. For the first time, I realized what I was saying to my husband and children without words. Soon after that, another episode caused me even greater sorrow.
Mark, the kids and I were in the car driving somewhere. I can't even remember what we disagreed about, but soon I found myself arguing vehemently with my husband! I just couldn't make myself SHUT UP, even though I KNEW that I had said enough (actually more than enough). Mark remained calm and collected, but firm, as I ranted on. Suddenly from the back seat little voices piped up (Katie then Ben) "Cover in Kindness, Mommy! Cover in Kindness!" they pleaded...that had become our family "motto" the week before, when I had noticed the kids doing a lot of bickering among themselves. But now THEY were reminding ME! Suddenly, nothing was worth arguing about. I was slain.
I have grieved over my tongue before. As James says "it is a flame of fire....an uncontrollable evil full of deadly poison (3:6-8). That was not the first time my lack of tongue-control has brought me to tears. But this time, I got serious.
Later alone, I called out to God and told Him how sorry I was and how sick and tired I am of defeat. I'm tired of falling into the same habits of speech...After all, the Bible says that "those who control their tongues can also control themselves in every other way." (James 3:2). I sensed that controlling my tongue was the beginning of spiritual growth in my life in other areas as well. I asked the Lord to give me victory and I went ahead and thanked Him for it. Then I determined in my heart NOT to accept defeat. I began to be purposeful about change. I wrote Proverbs 15:1 on a large white cardboard sign and put it in the kitchen where I would plainly see it all day long. It says :"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger." I wrote in large clear letters and decorated my sign with flowers and palm trees, a sunshine and ocean waves. The kids loved it, and together we read it, and I explained to them what it meant. For the first few days, I still struggled to speak patiently and kindly to my children. I still found myself using a critical tone with Mark. But I WAS seeing some improvement...so I kept praying and asking God for victory. Believe it or not, I could not remember a time when I finished a day victorious in the area of tongue-control!
Several days later, I was halfway thru the day when I realized that victory was almost mine! I noticed that my kids were speaking nicely to one another too. And they responded better to my kind words and pleasant voice, even when it was firmly inflicting discipline!
I was noticing a change in my attitude towards Mark as well. Was he getting smarter? More capable? more of a leader in our home? Or maybe it was just that I was choosing to recognize these things about him and purposefully praise and affirm him. He was glowing!
By the end of that day, I was ready to jump up and down. I lay down in bed that night with a truly satisfied feeling that I had loved my family in actions AND words AND tone. Victory was mine! Thank you Jesus!
Not every day is as wonderful. But I can feel a huge change and I know my family can sense it too.
Yesterday, I made a new sign: Proverbs 31:26 "When she speaks, her words are wise and kindness is the rule when she gives instructions."NLT. Please pray that this will always be true of me -and you, too!
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