Kindness Is The Rule

Recently it came to my attention (with a little help from my husband!), that my tone was hurtful. He reminded me that even though my words were not harsh, my tone was. And we both sensed our children emulating what they heard from me...ouch!
So, I spent a day listening to myself. He was right. I didn't have to use ugly words. Just the edge in my voice, the certain emphasis on a word, and of course the volume...each of those things could express what I was really feeling. The meaning BEHIND the tone could cause someone to feel stupid, undesirable, clumsy, and worse -unloved. For the first time, I realized what I was saying to my husband and children without words. Soon after that, another episode caused me even greater sorrow.
Mark, the kids and I were in the car driving somewhere. I can't even remember what we disagreed about, but soon I found myself arguing vehemently with my husband! I just couldn't make myself SHUT UP, even though I KNEW that I had said enough (actually more than enough). Mark remained calm and collected, but firm, as I ranted on. Suddenly from the back seat little voices piped up (Katie then Ben) "Cover in Kindness, Mommy! Cover in Kindness!" they pleaded...that had become our family "motto" the week before, when I had noticed the kids doing a lot of bickering among themselves. But now THEY were reminding ME! Suddenly, nothing was worth arguing about. I was slain.

I have grieved over my tongue before. As James says "it is a flame of fire....an uncontrollable evil full of deadly poison (3:6-8). That was not the first time my lack of tongue-control has brought me to tears. But this time, I got serious.

Later alone, I called out to God and told Him how sorry I was and how sick and tired I am of defeat. I'm tired of falling into the same habits of speech...After all, the Bible says that "those who control their tongues can also control themselves in every other way." (James 3:2). I sensed that controlling my tongue was the beginning of spiritual growth in my life in other areas as well. I asked the Lord to give me victory and I went ahead and thanked Him for it. Then I determined in my heart NOT to accept defeat. I began to be purposeful about change. I wrote Proverbs 15:1 on a large white cardboard sign and put it in the kitchen where I would plainly see it all day long. It says :"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger." I wrote in large clear letters and decorated my sign with flowers and palm trees, a sunshine and ocean waves. The kids loved it, and together we read it, and I explained to them what it meant. For the first few days, I still struggled to speak patiently and kindly to my children. I still found myself using a critical tone with Mark. But I WAS seeing some improvement...so I kept praying and asking God for victory. Believe it or not, I could not remember a time when I finished a day victorious in the area of tongue-control!
Several days later, I was halfway thru the day when I realized that victory was almost mine! I noticed that my kids were speaking nicely to one another too. And they responded better to my kind words and pleasant voice, even when it was firmly inflicting discipline!
I was noticing a change in my attitude towards Mark as well. Was he getting smarter? More capable? more of a leader in our home? Or maybe it was just that I was choosing to recognize these things about him and purposefully praise and affirm him. He was glowing!
By the end of that day, I was ready to jump up and down. I lay down in bed that night with a truly satisfied feeling that I had loved my family in actions AND words AND tone. Victory was mine! Thank you Jesus!
Not every day is as wonderful. But I can feel a huge change and I know my family can sense it too.
Yesterday, I made a new sign: Proverbs 31:26 "When she speaks, her words are wise and kindness is the rule when she gives instructions."NLT. Please pray that this will always be true of me -and you, too!