Mark packed up and headed out yesterday. It was every bit as hard as I thought it would be. The house seemed so still and quiet last night (after the kids were in bed of course!). I laid in the dark trying to sleep, but just thinking of all the things that I will be doing alone for the next half year. Ugh! That sounds terrible. Let's say "Six months" -sounds better.

Anyway, I do not relish single-parenting. Mark is the sun and moon around here. And when he is away, it seems like there is a cloud over everything. I just cannot make the kids laugh like he can. And Ben informed me that I cannot wrestle like Daddy either! And when he found out that Daddy would not make it back for his fifth birthday in January (the long awaited "Batman" party), he wailed with such a gut wrenching cry that it broke my heart.

Grace is full of "Why?" questions. The big ones being:Why does Daddy have to be a soldier in the Navy? and Why can't we just go back to Zambia where he can be with us all the time?
To which I initially tried giving a lengthy dissertation about the theology of God's will...but she met me with a "Lame -O" look and crossed her arms. After all, she is nine (almost ten) and she is a big girl now (as she informed me yesterday before melting into a puddle of tears). So I changed my answer and just simply pointed out that Daddy is really gifted by God at being a soldier-missionary. And he loves what he does. He doesn't want to leave us, but that is the responsibility he has now. So we need to be proud of him and support him. She seemed more satisfied with that and so was I. Before he left, Katie told me that she was happy to send Daddy out to tell the other soldiers about Jesus -but she sure would miss him. And then she cried like a baby (she's eight).
Me too.

Isaac, who is two, is the only one who was unaffected. He did not have a clue that we were saying goodbye to Daddy for many months. So he just laughed and giggled all the way home.
This morning, he met me with a little smile and crawled into my lap as usual to watch Sesame Street. We named him well..."Laughter".
I could use some of that. I think I'll go get a hug.