We're not in Kansas, Toto...

I once read that finding out your child has a serious disability is like planning for a great vacation to Italy, reading all the tour guides, buying the tickets...then landing in Holland. Holland is nice. But all your friends are going to Italy. You always wanted to go to Italy. But now you are in Holland. And there are no flights to Italy.
So what do you do?
You buy a tour guide to Holland and start enjoying the tulips and the windmills. No, its not as flashy as Italy. But Holland is it's own special place.

I found real comfort in this analogy when we found out that our second daughter has serious learning disabilities. I kept reminding myself that Holland is GOOD. Holland is special -and so is Katie. Katie is going to be ok.

Then recently, I noticed the tell-tale signs of a dorsal fin in our peaceful little stream.
Another writer says that for parents who have dealt with it before,seeing the first familiar signs of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) again is like sighting a shark. You see the telltale fin cutting thru the surface and you panic.
Thats how I felt recently when I heard bathroom water running 20 times a day and noticed our son Benjamin's red, chapped hands. His older sister (our firstborn) was diagnosed with OCD two years ago. It was a nightmare ...starting with the handwashing. As days have gone by, Mark and I have tried (with little success) to use similar cognitive therapy tricks on Benjamin that helped Grace. But as any parent who has experienced OCD, I know this will get worse before it gets better. Every day is a new compulsion. The "obsession" is that his hands feel "sticky". Only washing makes them clean. Thats the "compulsion" (for you amateurs). Often,he even wants to wash his feet ("to make sure"). This week, we even notice he is holding his hands out, afraid to touch doorknobs...or even hold his Mommy's hand.
Thats when I get angry. And sad. But mostly mad. Because I hate this thing. It has a life of its own. I know its just a "brain glitch". But you can't reason with it. You can't cajole it. You can't love it away. And when your son won't even hold your hand, you can't even cuddle it away. I hate OCD.
And even though Grace is so much better, I hate that it is still part of her life. She is great about asking for help to "talk back" to it, to resist the compulsions. And now she is even trying to help Benjamin. I heard her tell him at breakfast yesterday "Don't let it bully you, Ben! Its not real -your hands aren't sticky. Its just that bad feeling in your brain trying to trick you!".
With Katie's disability, I could believe about Holland.
With OCD, its like planning a trip to Italy and winding up in Calcutta. There are no tulips and windmills in Calcutta.